In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
