remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
