So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This baby is an asshole
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
