Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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