idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
