you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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