What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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