a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
