my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
