If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
