I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
