Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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