I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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