I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
