I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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