I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
