forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
