Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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