sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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