My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Blood and glitter go together right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
