She's JV to your varsity
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
