Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
