All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
