i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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