Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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