Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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