I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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