WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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