Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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