he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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