Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
