I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
