I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
