so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
