I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't deserve a penis
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
