I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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