Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
