Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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