The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
