Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
