Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
