Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
