Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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