I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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