You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
