i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
don't judge my taste in strippers
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
