THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
