i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
