Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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