I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
