Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
