I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
